Tofflemire

If a tree falls in a forest.......

2007-02-23T15:51:00.000-06:00

So if you become a Christian and burn all of your CD's and stop cussing, drinking and smoking, but make no attempt to alleviate suffering or pain in life around you, do you think God cares? Isn't that tithing mint leaves? So you shove your righteousness in front of everyone within spitting distance, does God really care?

Something to Prove

2007-02-02T16:03:00.000-06:00

Pete Rollins, in his latest post places Fundamentalists in the same camp as Evolutionists, which should cause either group to roll their eyes. My undergraduate degree is in the realm of hard science and I have always sensed the similarities, but Rollins does a wonderful job of articulating the similarities.

Scientists will not dispute that they use the scientific method as their lens in which to see the world. Fundamentalists might. They both just have something to prove.

Church Growth Sucks

2007-01-29T17:08:00.000-06:00

A well intentioned geriatric church member approached me and stated with some concern and urgency that, "I know of a young couple that has recently moved to town that is a hot prospect for our church. I have also heard they have already visited (insert name of rival baptist church) and they were really putting the heat on them."

I hate church growth. It brings out some of the stupidest comments from perfectly good Christians. People will doubt their worship, question their staff, disembowel their music and completely abandon all thoughts of God, in the name of getting warm butts in the pews (that is the right warm butts).

What happens? Pride. When you get turned down, it hurts. Why else do we worry when someone leaves for another church. Most often they do not even change denominationally. They have not become followers of Beelzebub or Jim Jones, they just tithe (or do not tithe) elsewhere.

After inviting a few couples over, with little planning, an evening unfolded out of the spontaneity of the time, the correct phase of the moon and the right mixture of fermented grapes and tomorrow's schedule. That evening would be remembered during repeated attempts to duplicate the spontaneous event. Only when after discarding attempts to repeat and striking out to create the new, would the new remembered evening present itself.

True church is the relationships created during those remembered times worshiping God. Those times cannot be expected. Those relationships cannot be constructed. They can only be experienced during those remembered times. The discussion of the remembered times and the witnessed relationships attract others; others that wish to experience the remembered times within the community.

What good does it do to create a false reality that is clean, sterile and boring, all in the name of a repeatable (un)remembered event? Community is lost, but it sure fills up a church building.

One More Try

2007-01-28T22:03:00.000-06:00

One more try. I am going to give blogging one more try. I think I have waited the correct amount of time to remove myself from the New Year's resolution crowd. I previously waited this long to wear my new Christmas jeans to school, hoping to avoid the question (Did you get those jeans for Christmas?). Oh well, here goes.

Waiting in the ER

2005-11-25T05:12:00.000-06:00

I spent the latter part of my Thanksgiving Day at the ER, tending to my son's newly broken arm. After filing the necessary paperwork, I found a cup of coffee and began to wait. Across from me sat a beaten woman, consoled by her mother. She stared into space, no tears. To my left, a family of four waited. A man in his 40's sat with a shoulder injury, everyone fussing around him. The woman seemed panicked and the kids just pissed they had to be there or probably anywhere. To my right, a single mom chatted on her cell phone. Her daughter had been unable to sleep last night and she was a her wits end. Various people wandered in and out between smoke breaks. A large poster stated that in 2006, the hospital campus will be smoke free. At least 50% of the cohort I observed left for a smoke. What in the hell will they do in 2006? Go smoke in their car? As upset as people get, having to wait while someone they love hurts, I prefer that they be able to satisfy their nicotine habit.

As we move through life we tend to narrow our sphere. It starts in middle school with different tracks. College bound in high school. Majors in college. Professional school. Your sphere shrinks, further condensing your contact with those outside your frame of reference. Reality becomes restricted to a finite scope of self comfort. Our thankfulness can than easily move through pride, lest we pray more like a Pharisee than a tax collector.

O Lord, I thank You for all that You have given to me. I have been blessed this year and once again, I thank You for all the stuff You have provided. I thank You for my family and the stuff with which You have blessed unto them. I feel so sorry for those that are here with me, bless them with stuff like I have been blessed. Also, help them to make the right decisions next time so they can change their life and become blessed like me.

I was uncomfortable. The way to deal with that discomfort, is to distance their reality from mine. Heaven forbid I have no real control. God, I don't understand why I receive and others don't. I have no real control.

Those damn Ebionites

2005-11-14T22:06:00.000-06:00

Early Christianity is fascinating. Less than a century removed from the Resurrection, groups of people were sorting it out. Was Christ divine? Was Christ man? How does this relate to salvation? We can only look at it backwards. Survivorship bias, that phenomena where only those who prevail are observed, clouds our ability to clearly see this past. How can we understand the prevailing views, if many of those who lost were eradicated and only spoken to polemically? Those who were deemed heretical felt as orthodox as their accusers. So the proto-orthodox (and they are that only because they won out) fostered our current Christianity, but why did they get to win? Providence?

Singing in the Shower

2005-11-02T21:10:00.000-06:00

Vacation and a lack of thoughtful things to say have left my blog certainly neglect. With that said, I hope to move back towards a more consistent habit of posting. I say this as if the masses await with baited breath for my very next post. Which then brings the question; why do I blog? I secretly like to write. It is difficult and I have little confidence. But like singing in the shower, just the expression is fun.

Alaska

2005-09-26T19:20:00.000-06:00

As I finished professional school, I spent a considerable amount of time trying to get placed in the bush of Alaska doing what would amount to near peace corps work.

After returning to my hometown to marry and finish school, my wife and I were well aware that we were getting ready to plant ourselves deep into this community that we've always called home. We were scared. Of the 25 years lived, only 12 had been spent outside of these city limits, most during my early childhood. My wife had only spent 7, total. What would we miss? Would I turn 65 having spent 81.5% of my existence inside one county?

So I sat with my board results in hand. I felt safe. I felt sad. My whole life was sitting before me, mapped and planned. So I choose the road most traveled.

Divorcing Gifts

2005-09-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

It is so difficult, as Americans, to divorce the gift. Now I mention Americans, because of my perception of the American dream. The dream, that if you work hard enough and apply yourself, you will lift yourself from out of whatever perceived or real level of poverty you may be born. Everyone else is just lazy or content to live in squalor. So everything that one has achieved or accumulated is due to their efforts and bestowing a portion of that earned property requires responsibility by the receiver to use it in manner that is befitting of the giver.

We need to divorce the gift. Do not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing. As the saying goes "never watch a sold stock." Whether it rises or falls has no bearing on your initial decision to sell. When helping another person, the act of compassion, of valuing a human over possessions is the point, not the outcome of the act. I have always wondered if Christ's disappointment with the rich young ruler's decision to not sell all he had to give to the poor, was his realization that he valued his possessions over people.

If people are more important than money, than why do we worry about how they will spend it. You cannot get it back and their single act of disregard, should not shape our opinion for the remainder of God's children. I need to be better at divorcing my gifts. And to quit worrying.

Before the SBC found its way

2005-09-06T22:24:00.000-06:00

James McClendon, in his second book on systematic theology, Doctrine, discusses the initial reason the Southern Baptist Convention steered clear of the World Council of Churches.

The courteous letter of regret is worth reading in full; I quote only one sentence: "The thousands of churches to which our Convention looks for support of its missionary, benevolent and educational program, cherish their independence and would disapprove of any attempted exercise of ecclesiastical authority over them [such as the proposed membership implied]"

I had to read that three times. Is this statement, from the SBC, actually embracing ecclesiastical diversity? Good thing that was corrected.

God's plan for your life.

2005-09-01T18:03:00.000-06:00

You need to find it out. This is vital information for the growing Christian. You see, God has developed this master plan for your life and part of your mandate by Christ is to follow this plan. Discovering this plan is paramount. It is what identifies you as a true dedicated Christian. If God does not feel you are following his plan, he may provide an obstacle to wake you up or an opportunity to lead you back into his gracious agenda for your life. If you follow the correct path and are doing his will, he will open many doors and amazing blessings will enter into your life. True joy and happiness await, as long as you live the plan God has provided you. The reason so many live in despair and are depressed is that they are not following God's will for their life. The greater number of events that independently corroborate your idea of God's plan for your life, the more confident that you can feel that you are on the right track. If you are in ministry, it is even more important to understand God's plan because it is how you are able to minister to greater numbers of people and increase your tithe to God's church. God's overall plan is for you to save as many people from hell as possible. Incorporating His overall plan into your normal hypocritical sinful life is why you go to church and your wife stays home to raise the kids.

Laying on hands

2005-08-29T08:50:00.000-06:00

Last night we ordained four new deacons. Included in the service is a laying on of hands and prayer by all deacons and those in the congregation who wish to participate. I have often been cynical of emotionally charged, manipulative services, so much so that I tend to write off any emotional content as such. But last night, the simple, quiet gesture of individually touching and praying over another, left me with the inability to even whisper my prayer. I pushed back tears, as I witnessed a small community lay hands on those who would desire to be set apart. (just the fact that I admit to pushing back tears during any worship service is big). And today, I still feel renewed.

Gifts from God

2005-08-14T14:54:00.000-06:00

With contraception, fertility drugs, in vitro fertilization and a myriad of other technical and social advances, we have moved away from the thought of children as a gift from God. Gifts are not planned or contrived. Gifts are not demanded, nor should they be expected. With respect to those who struggle with infertility, we have made children so very convenient.

As I was driving to work, I listened to Dr. Laura and (I think) Dr. Dobbs discussing the appropriate role of women in society. Like monkeys mating at the zoo, I know I shouldn't watch, but I just could not turn my attention away. In a nutshell, God ordained that women should raise their children, despite careers or education and men should make their money. That's what the Bible says.

God gives children to the world. He gives them so that they can love him and learn to continue to love him. It is not your child. You have no rights to that child. They are all God's children. My child is as much yours, in the end, as is it is mine (that is assuming you have one). For a temporary time, God allows us to feed, love and care for this child, but they will mature and decide how they want to approach God. Our job is not to brainwash our children. God desires love, freely expressed love. Removing them from public school, restricting their education and outlook and suppressing the quest for their own truth, is only temporary. Let them do it while you are there to help. Do not worry if you do it wrong, for they are not yours anyway, God will make sure they have ample opportunity to become his.

Dobbs and company have made a business built on fear. Fear that if you parent improperly, then surely your boy is destined to read Harry Potter, listen to Led Zeppelin or develop a wonderful sense of fashion. God is removed from the equation. It is all you and you better not screw it up. Life is messy (as the Friar is known to say). You are not in control. Depend on God and enjoy the gift he as given you. Just realize it is a gift, not to you, but to the world.

More people

2005-08-03T19:56:00.000-06:00

So who cares about numbers. So much comparison and competition among churches is making me ill. Why would one care that their church is growing? What does an increase in bodies actually mean? Why do we count as an increase, the obligatory "transfer of letter"? Hasn't this person always been part of the Church, just not that current church? I have a few thoughts, be they cynical in part.

More people, more tithes, bigger salary.
More people, bigger egos, bigger pride.
More people, bigger church, better denominational stature.
More people, smaller mic, bigger head.
More people, convenient mob mentality, less thought.
More people, more programs, less community.

My girl

2005-07-10T19:20:00.000-06:00

My daughter is leaving tomorrow for church camp. It is a "mini" camp for only two nights. When my wife began to fill out the application it asked if the child (8-9 years old) was a Christian and whether she was a member of a church. How do you answer that? I believe she is a Christian, but she has not been baptized or "walked the isle".
This evening my wife discussed camp. Will they try to "save" her? Will they pressure her to be baptized. We had marked that she was member and a Christian, hoping that she would be spared any sort of hot box technique. But we were still concerned. My wife volunteered me to have a talk with her.
As I walked into her room, I felt the feeling my parents must have felt, when confronted with a difficult discussion. I had thought and rehearsed my questions and answers, I just prayed she'd follow the script.
"Honey, you know your going to church camp."
"Yup"
"What do you think that means?"
"I don't know, I've never been. What does it mean?"
"Well, they may ask you some questions about Jesus. Like.... Have you accepted Jesus into your heart?"
"But daddy, Jesus has always been in my heart."
I smiled. (that's my girl!)
"You just tell them that."
So much for my script.

New look

2005-07-08T23:32:00.000-06:00

Well, I am in transition with a new look. My old template did not have links and with my lack of knowledge pertaining to HTML, I just switched templates. I now can reciprocate links to those who so graciously point to my blog. I hope to post I bit more frequently.

Pacifism

2005-06-16T20:50:00.000-06:00

I've thought about pacifism. After spending four days getting to know a pacifist, I've really considered it. Personally, my outward immediate tendency is towards pacifism. I've been in one pseudo-fight in 5th grade. My temper is generally easy to control. I can do this. I cannot think of the last time I wanted to strike someone.

Control. Biblical pacifism is about the giving away control. Camel's eyes and turned cheeks are about human control. God does not need our power. However we create the power, God does not need it. God is all we need. (Now that does sound trite)

So if the extension of pacifism is submission, I am out. Outward pacifism is equivalent to Pharisitical fasting. Respectful submission is what separates out the chaff. Now we are talking about difficult discipleship. I can resist violence (much like I can resist adultery) but submission requires concentrated work (much like lustful thoughts).

Cruise Control

2005-06-07T18:07:00.000-06:00

I used to commute to the "city". Often, as I drove home down I-40, my consciousness would fall. Down it would drift, while billions of bits of information would be absorbed, processed and appropriate directives given. Driving between the lines, avoiding others and passing exits all occurred with no memory. When my consciousness would finally be raised, by some external source that required it or merely acknowledged it, my thoughts would wander back over the moments that had passed. Where am I now? How long had I driven? How much longer till my next exit? Searching, I would accumulate enough clues to place me back into reality. Comfort settled in and I would check my cruise control.

Early on I immediately began to work on developing my cruise control. When one first learns to drive, every sense is working full throttle to interrupt all the data streaming in at 65 miles/hour. Everything has meaning; cars, road, wind, lines, temperature, birds, curbs, sunlight. Years of practice and repetition soon dull those things that have meaning until all one needs is cruise control and the consciousness can now fall.

I was born into church, baptized as an infant (in Christ) and assured of my forgone seat in heaven. As I traveled, my consciousness could now fall. Unaware of what I passed, approached or left behind, I worked on making the shortest distance between two points. It was comfortable. It was cruise control. So when I arrive and Jesus walks up to my car and asks, "How was you trip?" "I made it in 73 years 5 months and 12 days!" Patiently, he asks again, "No, how was your trip?" I would blankly think and no memory will come. My consciousness had never been stirred.

God please raise my consciousness, so that I may stop and help someone fix a flat, so that I will take an off ramp or two and get lost trying to find my way back (there is always a way back), so that when I show up and your Son asks, "How was your trip?" I can reply, "Man, you'll never believe what happened to me on the way here!"

Conspiracy

2005-06-04T09:35:00.000-06:00

I am a Mennonite. I am in as much as my name is one of those 369 surnames that go back 337 years, identified as Mennonites. The lack of congregations forced my parents to naturally move to the most common parallel, baptists. I was brought up Baptist, but I am now baptist.

Upon hearing that her grandson was in Canton, OK on a mission trip to transform a home into and Indian Baptist Church, she surprised me with an hour long trip to visit and bring homemade cookies for faspa (a break meal while you work usually at 10:30 and 3:00). The group left me to tour the cheese factory, and after a tour of the new church, I drove my grandparents back to Watonga, allowing us to visit. We discussed the delay of harvest due the rain, my grandfather's health and how she intended on bringing schnetje (a pastry type biscuit), but the cafe had ran out that morning. "So all I brought was some homemade cookies", she stated flatly.

Earlier, conversations with the Friar and other sponsors had centered around pacifism and the role of the Church and the government. I had mentioned that my grandfather was a Mennonite pastor and my father's parents were Mennonites. They are Mennonite Brethren, which are of the most liberal of sects of Mennonites. Order of service and church discipline are similar to Southern Baptist, but pacifism and true separation of Church and State, as pointed out by the Friar, expose a contrasting framework. We discussed that we may want to travel to my grandparent's church for a service. So, while driving down the two lane highway, almost ripe wheat shuttling us towards Watonga, I asked if we could come out sometime for a service.

Thinking that we were curious about the Amish nature of discipleship that some sects still hold to, she suggested another congregation, "where they still wear hats". I responded that the sermon is what we want to hear, we wanted to hear about pacifism and how a community embraces it. Grandma's voice sharpened. A thought out specific voice used to speak about cohabitation or methamphetamine. "We don't hear that anymore. We still say we believe it, but we don't hear it anymore. They are so worried that the church will die and the young people will leave, that we don't hear it anymore. All those who died before in the name of peace and we don't hear it anymore. We have a praise team now. It takes so much money to run the church. Your grandfather paid his own way, he was an electrician. Now they just sit and worry about the numbers. They save people but there is no umphh. What good does it do to save people if they don't bring about the Kingdom? They let recruiters into our private high school. Why would they do that, we are pacifists?" She paused, not because she could not go on, but she realized how long she had gone. Silence. It would be rude to withdrawn my request, but a worship team was not what we had in mind. "You are surely welcome at our church, but I don't think you will hear what you want." Her tone had changed to a low, tired voice, one laced with sadness. I changed the subject, moving on to her cookies and the family gathering we are having in July. As I got out at the cheese factory, I asked her to check and see if any of my grandfather's sermons remained at the church. She smiled, trying hold back a bit, "Yes, I will. I will."

I have begun to believe that the Contemporary Christian Culture Conspiracy actually exists. How else can an isolated community, with its own church, destroy their very piece of identity, all for the sake of numbers. They did not bring it about on their own, the price paid by those who came before is too great, there has to be a conspiracy.

WWJD

2005-05-16T09:07:00.000-06:00

From my warped sense of humor that draws me to Landover Baptist Church, here is WWJD.

AA

2005-05-04T22:20:00.000-06:00

As I sat next to "Shrek" and across from my daughter, eating a hamburger at the Salvation Army, a clean cut, well dressed man sits down across from me. I recognize him as an old high school classmate. A friend. Albeit, a second level friend (not an acquaintance, maybe a buddy). I assume he is volunteering also. "I've finally hit rock bottom." He then began to vaguely relate his story with little detail. I left with my stomach upset. Was he living at the Salvation Army? Did he need a job? Money? As I left that night I shook his hand and urged him to call me if he needed anything. I then did something I swore I never would or could do, I told him about a small group of recovering alcoholics at my church. It wasn't a straight invitation, but the biggest one I have ever given. I doubt I will see him, he's Catholic and had been to confession and was already hooked up with an AA group and sponsor. What makes us so good at self-destruction?

Phases

2005-04-19T22:46:00.000-06:00

I've often discussed with my Friar my new found interest in Spirituality. What concerns me is that I have been known for my phases. I spent the greater part of one semester programming in BASIC, a program to calculate Beyer's speed ratings for the races at Remington Park. The first three years of my marriage I was engaged with the pursuit of brewing beer. I spent six years reading all that I could on first stocks, then options and finally bonds and closed-end funds. I spent six months on a subject called behavioral finance (a mix of sociology, psychology and finance). So I ask my friend, is this just another phase? Once I spend a couple of years immersed in the intricacies of theology and spirituality, will I move to yet another subject?

Worship

2005-04-07T20:53:00.001-06:00

I don't need to be entertained. I don't enjoy being emotionally manipulated. I don't like guilt. I don't like to wave my hands or speak out in a crowd. I don't like holding hands.

I don't know if I have ever felt the Holy Ghost in a service.

Inspiration. (Which may be the Holy Ghost?) I hope for inspiration.

Evangelism 101

2005-04-03T19:54:00.000-06:00

Robert Webber, in his book Ancient-Future Faith, outlines the steps of evangelism in the early church. The Seeker, where a person was presented to the church for initial instruction on the demands on Christian faith. Next, the Hearer, a period of time that lasted three years, of instruction and orthodoxy followed. Thirdly, the Kneeler, was a time of six and half weeks, coinciding with Lent, that led to baptism on Easter Sunday. Lastly, the Faithful was one who now was a full member of the community to bring about the Kingdom.

He than makes an interesting suggestion. Starting at Pentecost and ending with Advent, challenge the church to bring about seekers. Use the Advent, Christmas and Epiphany seasons to teach the hearer. Lent would prepare the kneeler for their upcoming baptism on Easter.

"Once people have been through the yearly cycle, they can progress once again, but on a deeper level. While a seeker may be introduced to Christianity 101, the second year teaching can be developed that is Christianity 102, and so on. In this model everyone is taking a similar journey, but within different levels of knowledge and intensity."

How powerful could Easter become, if the entire church could personally identify with the resurrection of Jesus as the beginning of their own journey?

Hypocrisy

2005-03-27T18:54:00.000-06:00

I think hypocrisy may be the most difficult sin to recognize. I skipped the Good Friday service. It was Friday, I worked all day, I was tired. All I wanted to do was eat, have a drink and rest. Besides, I had read my bible last night, visited a friend who was down, provided some of my service free of charge, went to my bible study, hugged my wife, played with my kids, all in one week. My hypocrisy stems from my conversations. Those conversations where I discuss others and how where they are, is where I once was, but not where I am now. Self recognition of hypocrisy is near impossible. That is why the community of the Church is all important, accountability is the key. Maybe the lesson of hypocrisy is humbleness. God knows I sure could use a boat load of that.

Sign, Signs everywhere are signs

2005-03-25T15:24:00.000-06:00

The modernization of the church is painful. Religion itself is loaded with tradition. Handed down from generation to generation, the way we practice religion may be steeped with tradition more than any other institution. I don't know if at one point someone was pissed because a pastor installed their first microphone (God intended for the Word to be spoken in its natural state, not all hopped up electronically) or if there were protests to addition of cushions on pews (people could become sleepy and comfortable and therefore miss altogether the Holy Spirit working on their heart during the 20 minute alter call!). So the fine line we dance upon is the addition of the new so as to preserve the old. I really am not a fan of marquees on churches. My church has one. I rarely decide to attend because of the clever title to the sermon, my mind is made up long before I arrive. But my mind may be changed after reading the testimonials for the daystar.

"Since the sign was installed, our attendance has increased an average of 22%.... and our finances have increased 19%...enough to pay for the present sign and buy two more."

I guess the goal of all churches to increase membership and revenue can more easily be realized by this flashing and classy sign.

Long time gone

2005-03-18T23:14:00.000-06:00

Well it's been a long time gone from the blog. Spring Break, March Madness you name it, I have the excuse. Hopefully, life will easy back into that normal mode and I can work the blog.

Prepackaged Eucharist

2005-02-20T21:41:00.000-06:00

Although nothing new, I have really become to agree with Greg Horton's view of the Eucharist. His view is the Eucharist meal is an open table, a meal for which to develop relationships and offer hospitality. So when my wife forwarded this spam from Lifeway, I just had to post the link to the all-in-one, sanitized, convenient, one-stop, double-decker, trademarked Remembrance set communion package for a low, low price of $52.99 (and were not making a dime!)

The widow's mites

2005-02-17T22:26:00.000-06:00

I just finished Mitzi Minor's The Power of Mark's Story (thanks to Scott Jones). Now this is a cool read. I've always been interested at examining things from either a new angle or from the opposite view. Her discussion of Mark using minor characters to further the story of the coming of God's Kingdom was fascinating. Upon reading NewPsalm and following one of the links to a sermon on "the widow with two mites" and contrasting that with her view (with others) that this story exposes a "widow robbed of her last two cents by a corrupt temple system". Now how do you like that, it is not the congregation's lack of generosity to God (although that was not the point of the previous sermon), but the bastardization by the church that entraps those who will blindly follow. Faith creates a vulnerability that can be exploited. The leaders of the church were the problem. Their fear of loss of status and of power was accentuated by Christ. Their ability to not only lord over widows, but steal their last two cents was in jeopardy. Lord, help me to do more than sit in my heated home and contemplate, but to be fully aware of those that have faith (or not), that I may not exploit, but further your Kingdom.

Cynicism

2005-02-14T21:40:00.000-06:00

I have always been a bit cynical. Most of it has been my nature, but a bit has to my sense of humor. It's warped. Along the lines of cynicism, I think hard work, desire, heart etc.... is overrated. It is the vocational/educational equivalent to "but she's got a great personality!" These traits can get you far but luck and gifts are what move you to the next level. I love basketball. I played every day I could, growing up. I had heart, desire, blah blah blah. What I did not have is athleticism. I started on my high school team my senior year (finally) but shared minutes with one of the laziest, most talented players I knew. He went on to play Juco ball and did not even try. Regardless, I recognized early that a basketball scholarship was not in the plans. One morning I woke up with a headache (from the night before), took the ACT and nailed it without trying, studying or worrying. It had nothing to with desire, hard work, blah, blah, blah......just the God-given talent to be able to take standardized tests.

Duped

2005-02-14T21:24:00.000-06:00

I just finished Gustaf Aulen's Christus Victor. His basic historical treatment of the three main views of atonement has filled my brain. The most difficult hurdle, is to put away 27 years of substitutionary or Latin type as he refers, and open to a different idea. This dismantling of the construct of my doctrine is often confusing. With that said, I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I will have to read it again, after a few more conversations with myself, lining up my thoughts and questions. I find it amazing that such a critical part of a person's theology is glossed over as presumption and fact. I feel a bit duped.

Big 12 and Lent

2005-02-09T01:09:00.000-06:00

So I am considering Lent. Actually, I am thinking about giving up something dear to my heart. Beer. I love beer. All kinds. I enjoy most those beers that you cannot see through. Porters and stouts. Only one problem, every year I go to the Big 12 basketball tournament. Can I make a deal with God to allow me 3 days reprieve? Is that legal? Does it really count towards Lent? Its not that I can't give it up then, it just won't be as much fun.

Family Life

2005-01-31T20:53:00.000-06:00

If you want to get out of any commitment, blame it on your family. "I choose to spend time with my kids", "when you die, will you wished you had spent more time at the office?", "Charity begins at home." There are so many more statements tossed around these days to curtail social responsibility. Now before you click "back", disregarding me as some workaholic child-hater, rest assured I love my children. I read to them, change their diapers, etc...., but there is a world outside of the family unit. This world needs those who worry about their own families. Unfortunately, those people best equipped to help children, spurn their duty and turn their entire attention selfishly to their own. Is it fear? Complacency? Disregard? I believe family life is important, but it is not paramount. What better lesson than the action of compassion? What better lesson that giving of oneself to the betterment of the whole? This is not easy and I surely am not the example, but I am trying not let family be my excuse.

Blog Suicide

2005-01-27T22:36:00.000-06:00

I recently read a person commit blog suicide. Blogging allows one to construct and manipulate the information that any one person can view. Appearance, weird traits and habits are easily concealed. It is a virtual persona. So, when a person decides to stop, it occurs in two different fashions. One is the fade. Slowly, posting becomes so infrequent that the blog fades to black and gathers dust and dies quietly. The other alternative is a "good by cruel world, I hope you miss me" posting. Blog suicide. It is ugly and leaves you wondering what went wrong, why the bitterness? I guess the freedom of a suicide note is that it allows no answer.

Trojans

2005-01-26T20:07:00.000-06:00

Man, did I get a nasty attack. I am still working on cleaning this Trojan off the computer, but at least it works. I have changed up the site a bit, I did not like the font previously. I lost my links, but will work some more tonight. I hope to increase posting now that things are back up and running.

Camp

2005-01-16T22:11:00.000-06:00

I just got back from church camp. One hour later I am giving a report during church business meeting. What a contrast. I moved out of the emotionally charged, anything possible world and was rudely pushed back into the practical, decision making framework that makes me tired. I slept little, worked and followed instruction. Not one person asked me to make one decision. As I got out of my car to go into the business meeting, I felt the backpack pull down. That pack that I carry to push my life forward. I didn't realize its weight, wearing it everyday.

Who are you? Who? Who?

2005-01-10T21:19:00.000-06:00

Here is an interesting link. Seems that in five easy questions, you too can be evaluated and have a better understanding which theologian you are most like.

Fluid v. Static

2005-01-09T01:04:00.000-06:00

A static belief system is a comforting thing. The pursuit of a static belief system seems to be the aim of many fundamentalists. This type of system is clean, neat and fits well on Sunday mornings. The difficulty arises when one tries to overlay this static system onto modern life. When questions or ambiguities are brought forward, one's choices are to deny, disregard or criticize. This system is easy to explain and easier to lead another to belief, provided they not ask too many questions. The alternative is a fluid system where the endpoint is not a static position but a continuation of fluidity. This system requires engagement. Thought and study are required. It allows for an easier overlay on daily life but can be difficult to communicate due to its desired ambiguity. Unfortunately, a common byproduct can be elitism. Those that subscribe to a static belief system often do so out of laziness or disinterest. Those who thoughtfully consider other views and challenge their own ideas decide that those who subscribe to a static theory "just don't get it". Interestingly, to hold the view that any static theory is inherently wrong, is in itself a static position. One of the most difficult positions to take is the fact that those who try to move towards a more static system may be right. This at least has to be considered. Basic tenets are necessary. Establishing a statically fluid belief may be the goal instead of branding either the fluid or static model wrong. A belief that is grounded in basic personal tenets that incorporate various fluid views radiating from the core belief may be one way to try to address problem of the lack of basis for the fluid view. The question is how does one construct and establish this core belief? When does one question this core belief?

Mexican law

2005-01-05T16:37:00.000-06:00

Check out this story on indoor nudity. How does one enforce this law. How does one bathe? Or procreate? Or dance to Prince?

Anthropomorphism

2005-01-04T15:26:00.000-06:00

So many human interest stories have come from the Tsunami disaster. These stories don't really get me going. The variety that I struggle with most are those that attribute random acts to their safety. Yesterday there was a story about all the people who were woken up by their pets shortly before the wave hit. Now I cannot disagree that animals may have some biological sense that may warn them of natural disasters, but then why did any animals die? How many times in a year did Fluffy wake up her master? If you take 1,000,000 people, someone is bound to have been woken up by their cat during the 15 minutes before the wave hit. Why would God direct one person's cat to alert his master but allow another master and their cat to die? Do cats have the ability to be that altruistic? If cats have this great ability to detect impending doom, them why do so many die under the tires of a car?

Compliments

2005-01-03T20:39:00.000-06:00

I don't like wearing the new clothes I get for my birthday or Christmas too soon after the holiday. I don't like to start diets or exercise regiments too soon after the New Year. I don't like getting haircuts. Anything that draws undesired attention, even if necessary, makes me uncomfortable. I hate recognition. Actually, public displays of recognition. I certainly enjoy being appreciated. Maybe overhearing someone speak kindly about me is tolerable. Maybe I am just bad at taking compliments. I am going to resolve this year to be more accepting of other's compliments.

2004

2004-12-25T22:15:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas.
Standing back and taking a retrospective account of the past year, I begin to smile. What a wonderful year. Among other things, I can now safely say that I have never been more mystified by God. I love it. I began 2004 safely, thoughtlessly entrenched in my doctrine. Those doubts and disbeliefs were comfortably suppressed so as to make a neat and meaningless religion. After a year of conversation (not conversion), learning (not lecturing) and listening (not judging), I am further from certainty that I have ever been. I feel so much closer to God.
People change your life. For better or worse, interaction with people shape your existence. Occasionally, if you are lucky, you realize when this occurs and are able to acknowledge their friendship.
Thanks Tim.

Judas

2004-12-22T21:35:00.000-06:00

I just finished 2 different books on Judas. The first by Kim Paffenroth, is an academic look at various treatments of Judas by society. He groups these treatments into five sections. Judas the Obscure, Arch-Sinner, Villain, Tragic Hero and Penitent. It seems to be quite a comprehensive view of humanity's view of Judas. The second is a biographical novel of the life of Judas by Ken Smith. This portrayal of Judas as the Tragic Hero was an interestingly quick read. Judas is portrayed as a detail man. Jesus had him set things up in the towns they were to visit. He accounted the money, doled it out and paid for those things necessary to carry on a traveling road show. I sometimes worry that I am too much like Judas. Details, planning, details. Someone has to set things up. If I don't then who will?

Dead

2004-12-15T01:21:00.000-06:00

I got word that a friend from college died yesterday. The specifics are not well known, but it was unexpected. Strangely, this is the second friend from school that has passed away. I've been walking around in strange funk. He wasn't so close that I grieve, but he was close enough that it really hits home. This "wild ride" (as TimSean would put it) we call existence, is so complicated with every choice that everyone else makes, that faith becomes difficult. His wife is now alone. Their new life in a new city in a new job is gone. She is left. She did not choose this. If a someone chooses to drive after too little sleep, falls asleep at the wheel, crosses the median and kills me tomorrow, I become subject to that person's free will, regards of his beliefs. God doesn't do anything about it or does he?

Perverted SpongeBob

2004-12-11T01:54:00.000-06:00

I just could not help myself. Click and laugh.

Point of view

2004-12-11T01:20:00.000-06:00

I have this unscientific psychological theory. I think people can be divided into two groups. Those who enjoy thinking and then discussing (arguing), and there are those who don't. Those who don't, feel like it is an exercise in futility. I wonder if they just don't like being wrong. If you invest your life into a single line of thinking, disputing this line is not in your best interest. I enjoy it. Name the subject, if I have any lick of knowledge of the subject (or can fake it), I enjoy discussing it. Although, the expression of a point of view is what I enjoy and dislike any real attempt to force your view upon mine. I will lend as much credence to your point of view as you do me.

Truly not Romantic

2004-12-06T23:15:00.000-06:00

I am truly not romantic. The Neanderthal "me Tarzan, you Jane" image is generally what comes to mind or some pencilneck geek who would rather test the beta version of Halo than interact with the opposite sex. I don't see myself this way. When I try, its just goofy. I don't have the romantic self confidence to be able to pull it off. Fortunately, my wife isn't dependent on a steady stream of romantic fluff to validate our relationship, but I bet she would like a little. I have always envied those who could shake off the protective shell and open themselves up, to make themselves vulnerable to failure. I often wait for the sure thing. I don't believe there is anything romantic about a sure thing.

New template

2004-12-06T23:10:00.000-06:00

New look. I could not get the other to work. Lets try this out.

Blog Work

2004-12-06T07:29:00.000-06:00

Sorry about not being able to read the comments. I am working on the new format.

Dispraise the Catch

2004-12-02T21:09:00.000-06:00

It's kinda official now. With the new Tim link, I cannot feel safe in my obscurity. By the way, I have just finished my fourth listen to the new Tim Sean Dispraise the Catch disc. So many of my favorite albums, did not start out that way. Much like my first beer. But later, after consuming and tasting the songs, you begin to develop the necessary palate. Then they become part of your memory. Robbie Robertson's self titled album is that type of memory. College, sitting outside, springtime, A.T. I don't know yet, but I'm guessing that later in life, I'll have a direct connection to this point in time. Playing.

Flow

2004-11-26T23:37:00.000-06:00

As I work through my thoughts on God, I allow others to read and direct, hoping to develop, communally, my ever changing beliefs.

I started reading Mark. My initial intent was to focus on Jesus' interaction with people in Mark. I began to notice that excluding his disciples, people always approached Jesus. Whether to rebuke his actions or ask for healing, men and women were constantly engaging Jesus. How different is that from the way I was "taught" to witness early in my life. If a person was not actively seeking out those who need to be "saved", they weren't following God's will. I am sure somewhere in the Gospel, Jesus initiates the conversation, but with this initial read of the first part of Mark, this thought grabbed me. Jesus' life flowed. It wasn't contrived or forced. Each conversation sparked the next event, even when he preferred it not. I need to allow a little more flow, maybe. That is tough. I like structure and the rules that follow.

Control

2004-11-26T23:30:00.000-06:00

There is much healing in the first part of Mark. Why did Jesus do so much of it? Mental illness, chronic disease and handicaps were difficult to explain during this time. I think humans desire control. How does one control something you do not understand? If we don't understand it, we will just demonize it. Blame the person. Or their father. Or their lifestyle. Or their sin. The rich young ruler approached Jesus with a similar problem. His problem though was created by man, himself. Jesus' answer was direct, go fix your own self-created problem. Wealth equals apparent control. Wealth is fleeting, along with control. Looking back at the healing accounts, we see epilepsy, leprosy and schizophrenia. Through the knowledge of medicine we have begun to develop apparent control. Medicine is fleeting, along with control. As our knowledge evolves and expands, the danger is the apparition of increased control, which just may be anti-God.

Blindness

2004-11-26T11:06:00.000-06:00

Back to the rich young man. His situation was of his own doing. Those who Jesus' healed, as we understand today, were not. Maybe we need to take care of those problems in our lives we can affect and let God deal with those we cannot. The only problem is, back then, they thought blindness was a direct result of some action. It was something that a person could have affected. Now with the expansion of our knowledge we know that blindness is not caused by someone's previous actions, or do we. As our understanding of disease evolves, we may need God more than ever. At least they had a reason for blindness.

Glasses

2004-11-22T21:53:00.000-06:00

Its funny the way I've thought that God works only in the life of Christians. Not that if you were ever to ask the question, I would answer yes, God works all the time. Maybe God reveals himself more often to those who have developed a relation. I remember getting glasses for the first time in 3rd grade. I could see the leaves on the trees from a distance. I instinctively knew that trees had leaves, but seeing them from afar for the first time was amazing. Now, I take for granted the leaves I see when I wear my glasses. God's revelation in our world at first is amazing, although we probably instinctively knew it was there. How do we take off our glasses for awhile so that we can once again feel that exhilaration of discovery his knowledge?

WWF (or the NBA)

2004-11-21T22:09:00.000-06:00

This NBA fight drama is pissing me off. If someone throws a drink at me, at any place or time, I might approach the offender, but have no intention on physical abuse. I cannot take up for Artest. Yes, it was wrong for the fan to throw the cup, but civility dictates conflict not a melee. On the other side, who in their right mind would not run away when 2 or 3 oversized, weightlifting, pissed off, reactionary freaks were making their way through the stands. What possessed anyone besides those trying to protect the poor fellow that did nothing but look like the guy who threw the cup, to enter into that brawl? This is the reason I refuse to watch the freak show that is now the NBA. Give me college basketball. While it too is imperfect, it hass yet to reach the WWF like quality to which the NBA has dropped.

Gay Bush

2004-11-04T10:32:00.000-06:00

Here's a conversation for you:

Lady: Hey, can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure.

Lady: I heard the other day that half of the White House is gay? Can you believe that? I told them if that is the truth I am gonna have to just pray more.

Me: Really. You heard this on the radio or TV?

Lady: No my supposed brother-in-law told my husband last night.

Me: I have a hard time believing that half of the White House is gay.

Lady: Well, Cheney's daughter is gay!

Me: But she isn't in the White House, Cheney is.

Lady: Yeah, you see what I mean. Its like you have a friend, but she might be gay, then what do you do.

Me: I think you could still have a friend, even though they were gay.

Lady: Yeah, your right, that way you could talk to them, save them and pray for them so they wouldn't be gay anymore.

Me: Ummm, OK.

I did not make this up.

Bush bounce

2004-11-03T21:03:00.000-06:00

The Dow was up over 101 pts today. Call it the Bush bounce. Everyone who was worried about the dems rolling back the tax cuts, started buying again today. Alas, too bad it is a short lived ride. We should be up by the end of this week, but I still think by the end of the year, we end up in negative territory. At some point, we have to quit borrowing money from the international community. The service on this debt is growing and will become a thorn in this administration's side. So, cheer up my democrat friends, after four years of economic struggles, things could look up.

Coffee

2004-11-02T22:00:00.000-06:00

Sitting, staring at my laptop, wishing I could sleep, wondering why I drink coffee at night, my mind bears down on the subject at hand. Coffee. I like it hot and black. The stronger the better. Early in the morning, when it still hurts to think, the aroma of coffee, while I walk around collecting thoughts and planning hours, comforts and awakens my mind. But I sit here, with no remnants of sleep anywhere, waiting for the cup of coffee, whose taste still remains in the corners of my mouth, to wear off, so I may sleep. Sleep.

Bush and the bird

2004-10-27T21:40:00.000-06:00

I love clips like these. It blurs the lines with which we box our politician. It's like seeing your pastor drink a beer. They become more human, more approachable. I'd love to see one with Kerry. (I really would)

Lord

2004-10-27T21:17:00.000-06:00

Lately, Christian-speak, has started to bug me. Christian-speak are those phrases we say, not really thinking about what we are saying, just to fill up time or as a stock answer. Thees and thous bother me. Once I counted "father" 15 times in a prayer. "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?" Does anyone have a real concept of what it means to be under lordship in America? What experience can we draw upon to compare how we are to act and treat our Lord? Can a person have a personal Lord? What a question. Who would not want a personal savior? What is it that makes humans so worried about others? Not the compassionate concern for their welfare, but the devious comparison to elevate one's own status. The implication in the statement is that, I have, have you? What if we are all saved? Wouldn't that piss some people off. They have spent a lifetime of pious self-deprivation and some schmuck gets the same prize. (by the way, I don't think we are all saved, just all can be saved)

Pimp your name

2004-10-27T20:55:00.000-06:00

Try your name. It's kinda fun. Even if you really don't want to be a pimp.

Eating out

2004-10-26T13:35:00.000-06:00

My favorite pastime is eating. I enjoy meals, eating out and wasting inordinate amounts of money on food. I won't spend more than $25 on a pair of new shoes but will spend that on a meal in a minute. One thing lasts a year or more and the other less than 1 hour. I am yet to meet a true miser. I have met people whose opinions on what money should be spent on are so strict, they berate and condescendingly discuss other's spending habits. We all spend money we shouldn't, it's that when I do it, it's OK. At least that's what I tell myself as I drive home from a restaurant.

Creative writing

2004-10-22T14:38:00.000-06:00

I really don't understand my fascination with blogging. I hated creative writing in school. The pressure to fabricate some type of meaningful thought associated with the stock beginning my teacher provided caused me to freeze. Later that evening, dozens of interesting and creative ideas would flash in my head at the most random times. Running suicides, trying to eat green beans, washing my hair....these are the events which framed my spontaneous endings to the beginning. But, it was too late, the assignment was done and I had written some blase finish with the character waking up and it was all a dream. Plus, I cannot spell.

Multiple guess

2004-10-08T15:14:00.000-06:00

Ok, here we go. We'll start slow and easy. (I've actually kinda got that feeling in my stomach, that anxious feeling right before you take a test, maybe a test you studied half-ass late last night but the class is easy enough to maybe fake it if the right questions were asked in the right way, like Multiple guess, I always did better when I could guess) We will see how well I can guess.